10. Jaclyn will cook dinner more. (Fred will clean up after I make dinner)
9. I’ll look more attractive to hot women because I have a wedding ring. But of course, I’ll turn them all down because I’ll be married to the world’s most beautiful woman. (I can’t wait to turn down the legions of younger men hoping to get with the older, experienced woman)
8. My family will no longer pester me about when I’m getting married. (Ditto)
7. Living with Jaclyn will not be a sin. (People won’t continually tell me we are living in sin)
6. I will no longer have to think about how to spell Jaclyn’s last name (Engelsher). (People can actually spell AND pronounce Minnick)
5. I can show up to Jaclyn’s parents unannounced and eat their food. Well, maybe not. But they have to at least let me in and give me a glass of water, because I’m family. (I won’t have to defend any of Fred’s actions to my parents because they will be able to yell at him like their own son)
4. People won’t try to hook me up with their nieces and daughters. (People will stop asking me why I’m not married and hearing about all men out there who would be perfect for me)
3. When people ask me to move back to Oklahoma, I can say, “sorry, my wife really likes it here.” (I get to put Fred on the mortgage)
2. Jaclyn will be my wife. (I won’t have to use the word “boyfriend” anymore)
1. The tax break. (Controling the refund)
