New Year’s Plans

December 31, 2006 at 12:12 pm (Food, Holidays)

Since we live downtown by the local hot spots in a city that, even on normal nights, does not close bars and clubs until 4am, one would suppose Fred and I would be living up New Years Eve in wild, hedonistic fashion and stumbling home in each others arms.

Guess again.

We have been domesticated. 

Because we were such party animals in our late teens and early twenties, we don’t feel like we are missing anything by sidestepping the traditional getting smashed in a crowd of strangers waiting for a giant ball to drop. Personally, I was never big on New Year’s anyway – it is impossible to live up to the hype.

So our big plans for tonight are to break out our new hot dog roller that Santa brought us and gorge on premium wieners and beer. 

For Auld Lang Syne!

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Merry Christmas

December 24, 2006 at 6:59 pm (Engagement, married)

This is our first Christmas since our last one. We just opened all of our gifts but one — we’ll open the last one at her parents tomorrow. And I got some good stuff: a new pair of shoes, Star Trek Legends (video game), a Ferengi book  and 10 cards for guaranteed shower time.

 

What is shower time, you ask?

 

Well, since Jaclyn and I don’t see each other that often, I force her to sit on the can while I shower. She typically puts up a fight. These 10 cards mean she won’t resist for at least 10 shower times.

 

She got a $200 dress and a bunch of other stuff. And the ring is still carrying over as a gift. So, I’m broke…. But it was an awesome Christmas.

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Star Trek brought us together

December 22, 2006 at 10:19 pm (Engagement, The Ceremony, Wedding Reception, Wedding planning)

When Jaclyn and I first started dating, she liked Star Trek and I knew very little about the television franchise.

At first, I thought her passion for the series was kind of geeky. I mean, I grew up picking on people who admitted to las_vegas_trip_fred1.jpgwatching Sci-Fi stuff. But one day, Jaclyn popped in a DVD. It was Star Trek Voyager. After the episode, I demanded we watch another one.

 And then another. And another.

Before I knew it, I hurried home from work so I could watch Star Trek The Next Generation. Then, I demanded Jaclyn buy a full season of Voyager with her Best Buy discount. She did and now after being played over and over, disc 4 of season 6 gets stuck in our old DVD player. She bought that DVD set more than a year ago. Our Star Trek collection now includes:

Deep Space Nine, Season 1
Voyager, Seasons 1, 3, 5 and 6
Fan Collective: Time Travel
Fan Collective: Borg
Star Trek The Animated Series
The Wrath of Khan
Generations
The Voyage Home
22 books
Copies one and two of Star Trek magazine (issue three is due any day now)
VHS taped copy of All Good Things
One Ferengi costume
One Klingon mug
One enlarged mug from Quarks
Two memberships to StarTrek.com
An online Blockbuster Queue filled up with Star Trek Enterprise
And a T-shirt

To be honest, I didn’t fall in love with Star Trek because of Jaclyn. Granted, she contributed to the newfound interest. But what really pulled in me were the similarities to real life, especially from a military standpoint.  Every time Jean Luc Picard backs down from an alien species because of the Prime Directive, I think of Iraq and all the times we – American soldiers – had our hands tied. When Capt. Janeway throws Tom Paris in the brig for 30 days for disobeying orders, even though his cause was just, I’m reminded of Lt. Col. Hastings (my former commander) scolding a good friend for his insubordination even though his disrespect led to several needed changes. And the middle-tier officers always try to do the right thing, but their efforts are often thwarted by admirals and politicians. Just like in the real military. 

Jaclyn’s love for the series came from her joy for space travel. There’s not a week that goes by that she doesn’t say, “if we would have just continued the space program, we’d have colonies on Mars.” The girl also loves science fiction books, particularly Robert Heinlein. 

Although our reasons for watching Star Trek are different, it’s a unique interest that truly bonds us together.

In public, we’ll make random Star Trek references and get all kinds of odd stares. Once a checker asked me a question I didn’t understand and I replied, using Seven of Nine’s tone, “insufficient data.” The blank stare I received in return was priceless.  I have even included various Vulcan and Borg sayings in my recent book, which my agent is sure to edit out. But when Jaclyn edited my manuscript, she placed smily faces next to every Star Trek comment.

When we went to Las Vegas, Jaclyn and I spent more money in the Star Trek Experience than playing the slots. We had pictures taken with every character in costume and sampled almost all of the specialty drinks. I thought Jaclyn was going to cry when we went on the Klingon ride. As we stepped into the room, a uniformed ensign walked us through the bridge las_vegas_trip_fred_minnick1.jpgof the Enterprise. While the struggling actor in tight pants pushed fake buttons, Jaclyn grabbed my beefy, very muscular arm. 

“Baby, I can’t believe we’re on the bridge of the Enterprise,” she said.

It was here that she first found her love for space travel. And it was here that I first saw Data give a long explanation, which forced Commander Riker to say, “that’s enough Data.” As all the episodes ran through her head, Jaclyn said, “let’s get married here.”

Believe it or not, they actually do marriages on the bridge of the Enterprise. It is in Vegas after all. But we won’t be doing that. Star Trek will, however, be a part of our wedding. Originally, I wanted to fly down Tim Russ, who plays Tuvoc, to sing at our reception, but he’s too busy starring in “20 Good Years.” 

Seriously… .

Jaclyn will walk down the aisle to an incredibly beautiful song Picard played on the episode The Inner Light.  

And our first dance will be to Star Trek Voyager’s theme music. 

Sound cheesy? Well, it’s our wedding. So shut up before I assimilate you.     

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Wedding Reception Results

December 19, 2006 at 9:26 am (Wedding Reception, Wedding planning)

Believe it or not, it was Jaclyn pushing the Slugger Museum, not Fred!

The Marriot is a very chic hotel.  They roll out the red carpet for brides.  You get a Honeymoon suite with rose petals on the bed and champagne, a private reception before the big party so the new couple have have some quiet time, and major perks with their rewards program.  The food is creative and the space modern – the piece of the ballroom that would be ours would not have anyone else in the other sections because they are setting up for an enormous service the next day.  There is an enormous Indian wedding going on the same weekend as mine.  500 people for a 3-day ceremony – the wedding coordinator told me they were spending $60,000 on one day alone!  Somehow, I figured we were not going to get much attention.  That, and the caterer never got back to me after I e-mailed and called twice.

The Brown is elegant and the wedding coordinator, Jeri, fantastic.  The stand-alone ballroom has a dance floor in the middle which lends itself to the cocktail reception atmosphere that we have.  It is wearing a bit all over and could be too cramped for the guests.  Also, we would have to cut the list down drastically because having a reception in an impressive, upscale setting means you are paying for an impressive, upscale setting.  Fred is in love with the beauty of the hotel (and of the look on people’s faces when he told them we might have it there).  For an evening wedding, it is romantic and subdued.  We can take the elevator home to a beautiful Honeymoon suite.  I grew up staying in places like this, Fred did not.  Fred also feels it is a classy place for friends to hook-up – “weddings spawn other weddings, baby.”

The Slugger Museum is pure fun.  Sure, it is baseball, but it is amazing what decorations and table linens can do to a place.  There is a theater to play an “about us” movie (more likely we would show episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Star Trek), a batting cage where people decked out in their duds can take swings, and, most meaningful to me, a Charlie Brown exhibit that will be installed right in time for our wedding.  Cindy, the events coordinator, is a fountain of ideas for making the place “less baseball” and more us, but in the end, it is still a baseball museum.

My idea of a wedding reception has always been that I want everyone to have a good time with tasty food, rat-pack dancing, and mingling.  The Marriot is hip.  The Brown is elegant.  The Slugger Museum is fun. 

We chose Slugger. 

Fun aside, there is something else to this choice.  My grandfather was a huge baseball fan and he loved taking my mom, and then me, to games when we were little girls.  When my mother got married, he was in charge of planning the entire affair.  She chose her dress (and my father), but he picked out the food, the band, the photographer, and the decorations.  My mother said she was so relaxed that she had a blast along with everyone else.  The wedding album proves it. I think if grandpa was still alive and got to plan my wedding, he would have picked Slugger too.  He may not be able to be there, but I know we will have a good time, and that would have made him smile.     

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Bride or beast?

December 15, 2006 at 2:36 pm (Already divorced, Wedding planning, married)

I am a good-looking man.

 

I know this. The world knows this. But sometimes, I feel like Jaclyn doesn’t know this.

 

Last night, when she came home, I was curled up in a ball ready to be snuggled with. I had a rough day and badly needed to be held, so I tried to look extra cute for my baby. I even wore socks to bed; for some reason she likes it when I wear socks.

 

And what did she do? One – especially those of the female gender – would think that she’d plop herself next to me and softly caress my freshly shaven face. But no… She played Spider Solitaire instead.

 

I begged her to come to my side.

 

“I’ve had a rough day, baby. I had to sort through 1,300 SPAM messages in my inbox,” I moaned. “Please come hold me.”

 

“No. I’m playing a game,” she barked, crushing my feelings. “You’re way too needy these days.”

 

At that moment, Jaclyn wasn’t my fiancé. As I lay there broken inside, I pictured everything worse than what it is. Jaclyn was no longer a sweet, soft-skinned black-hair beauty. She was now a mean broad with bad breath and giant whitehead pimples. The more I analyzed our future, her appearance got worse. … she eventually couldn’t get off the couch. And then all the marriage stigmas played through in my mind: she’ll no longer cook; no more “play” time; she’ll force me to watch Mel Gipson movies; and Sundays will no longer be football days.

 

“She’s gonna castrate me,” I thought, as she continued to play her stupid computer game. “I better run before it’s too late.”

 

I didn’t run. The covers were warm and my kitty was at my feet purring away. And eventually, Jaclyn came to bed… not as the beast, but as my baby. We held each other for awhile and then, I farted. And she went back to her computer game.

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Wedding Reception Poll

December 15, 2006 at 12:03 am (Wedding planning)

Without boring all of you with the pros and cons,  give us your vote!

  • The Brown Hotel
  • Marriot Downtown
  • The Slugger Museum

    • (Fred note: He or she who has the winning argument gets a free breakfast at Waffle Steak in Indiana because that state is not allowed to call it Waffle House.)

    5 Comments

    Insomnia

    December 10, 2006 at 1:56 pm (Engagement, Wedding Reception, Wedding planning)

    Ever since we got engaged, my sleep has been disturbed.

     

    Staring at the wall for hours trying to fall asleep while thinking about types of Hors d’oeuvres, waking up at 3am and trying to count sheep instead of guests, vivid dreams about things from space travel to childhood nightmares . . . even when I do sleep through the night, I wake up in the morning feeling like I have been on an all-night bender.

     

    I can’t be this uptight already, can I?  Is it possible I am turning into my own worst nightmare – the bride who actually cares about minutia? What happened to “I just want to show up?”

     

    I think things will settle down once we get the reception site picked out.  Since the whole point behind an “Elaborate Hors d’oeuvres  Reception” is for everyone to mingle and dance, the food, the space and the music are the most important elements.

     

    Flowers, photographers, invitations, favors – none of this I care about . . . unless I get involved.

     

    Ultimately, the thing I want most is for all of our guests to think this was some of the most fun they have ever had at a wedding.  This includes Fred and me.

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    How the Cats Have Changed

    December 7, 2006 at 11:56 am (Cats, Family)

    My black cat Willow hates Fred.

    At least she did until he asked me to marry him.  Suddenly she is writhing and wiggling and purring all over him.  In fact, she has only bitten him a couple of times in the past month.  It is as if she finally approves, as though she knows he is about to “make an honest women” out of me.

    Our (his) cat Thurman is another story.

    Thurman has always been loving and sweet.  He likes to sleep under Fred’s arm all night, greet him at when he comes home, and walk him to the door when he leaves for work. Thurman used to like me too, but lately, he has been standoffish.

    He has begun sleeping in between us at night or on top of my pillow, staring down at me.  Fred has scratch and bite marks on his forearm from the playing that has gone from banter to battle. 

    I think Thurman was hoping he and Fred would eventually move out and go carousing for tail together – Fred in dive bars, Thurman in back allies.  Maybe he was upset he couldn’t be in the wedding.  Fred asked our cat-loving priest if he could incorporate Thurman in the ceremony and the Father laughed at him and said “that is a time and a place.”

    It’s just as well.  We had thought the flower girl could have carried him down the aisle instead of rose petals, but my niece weighs 35 pounds – he weighs 25.  She would need a wagon and a water break to make it to the altar.  

    The only one who has remained normal is the 14 year-old cat Callie.  When Fred first moved in, it took her a month to get out from under the bed. Now she likes to give him cat-paw massages and meow at him to feed her under the bed where Thurman can’t fit and steal her food. 

     We have become the crazy cat couple. 

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    Las Vegas

    December 5, 2006 at 9:36 pm (Already divorced, Engagement)

    Jaclyn doesn’t want me to go to Las Vegas for my bachelor party.

     

    Why? (Jealousy. Boys always have more fun at their parties)

    I don’t know.

    My buddies and I just want to play some golf at the Wynn’s new course.  (with bare-breasted caddies) 

    “Yeah, right,” she says. “You’re going to get a bunch of strippers… . and I don’t even want to know what Joe’s going to do.” 

    “Baby, we won’t be bringing in strippers. I don’t even like naked girls, besides you of course,” I said. “Besides, your brother will be there.”

    Her brother and I are fraternity brothers… . and he’s kind of a man’s man. So that didn’t calm her any. I’ve also told her a couple of my female friends will be coming, thinking that would ease her pain. “So you know there won’t be any hanky panky going on,” I said. (he has already performed hanky panky with half of his female friends anyway)

    “Fine, if you go to Vegas, I’m going for my bachelorette party,” she said in that “I’m going to the Thunder Down Under” voice. “Ummmm. I can’t wait.”

    “Oh no”, I thought, “my baby will be surrounded by giant penises (about time). What if she finds one she likes more than mine?” I can’t have that.

    “Now baby, you don’t want to go to Vegas,” I said; her eyes soaking in the attention. “There’s nothing to do for girls in Vegas.” She wasn’t fazed. (Vegas! Vegas! Vegas!)

    “Let’s see,” she said, letting off a sexual moan. “There’s Italians – north and south; hot-blooded Latinos…. Brawny Swedes. And big, thick black…”

    “Baby, that’s enough. Fine, we won’t go to Vegas,” I said, my stomach turning. Jaclyn smiled in joy, knowing she defeated me by revealing my insecurities.

    So now, here’s my bachelor party choices:

    A night in my best friend’s basement; Road trip to
    California;     Church; or Disney World.

    Will I actually go to one of these lame places?

    Hell no. I’m going to Vegas, baby.

    I’m just not telling Jaclyn. (too late)

    2 Comments

    I eat Twinkies and other fat-filled products

    December 4, 2006 at 5:47 pm (Engagement, Food, Wedding Dress, Wedding planning)

    I am a fat ass.

    I realized how rotund I am when I jumped over a curbside and nearly broke a leg during lunch. I was winded. My ankle hurt. And my belly was still jiggling when I finally walked in to Taco Bell.

    There was a time that I could outrun everybody in my platoon. Hell, I ran marathons and was a competitive triathlete. Now, I can barely outrun my 25-pound cat Thurman, who takes after his fatty fat daddy.

    I need to lose the pounds around my waistline, because I have to be the prettiest man in the room on my wedding day. I know how to do it: rigid exercise, less eating and more sleep. But, I have become lazy.

    It’s like now that I have a woman, a damn fine woman I might add, I don’t need to look good anymore. I know I could weight 400 pounds and Jaclyn would still love me. That’s a great feeling. But every now and then, a fella needs to be talked about by his female co-workers in the lady’s bathroom.

    I remember those days well. When I was 23 and had hard body.

    “Oh my gosh, did you see Fred today,” said the 30-something year-old female co-workers. “He is so… hmmm …. Hot.”

    Now when girls talk about me:

    “Did Fred eat your Healthy’s Choice? I think he ate mine. And I had a twinkie in my drawer. Did he take that, too?”

    This may come as surprise to a lot of people, but we men want to look good for our weddings, too. It’s not all about the women and the dresses. We have bodies, too, you know.  It’s just hard to keep them looking good when you eat twinkies and don’t want to work out.

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